Hi. I'm Martha, What's Your Name?

I really hate this painting. No offense, Del Parsons.

This is a mandatory discussion item in every Relief Society around the world: are you Mary or are you Martha? It's also mandatory that whoever is giving the lesson announce that she is a Martha, and then confess her shame that she can't be more like Mary.

From what I've seen, there are a heck of a lot more Marthas running around than Marys. (I'm also convinced there was a third sister, Margie, who was neither sitting at Christ's feet nor whipping up a pie in the kitchen. She was sitting in the corner sneaking food and avoiding Martha's eye. There's a good portion of Margies running around, too.)

I'm squarely in the Martha camp. So is my mom. And her mom. And her mom. It's hereditary. Give us something to plan and it's done. Everyone will get plenty to eat, there will be nice tablecloths, and all contingencies are planned for. We are the Activities Committee's dream come true.

But give us someone who needs compassion--someone to mourn with them, to listen to them and empathize--and we struggle. Can't we just drop off a perfectly cooked meal with delicious cookies for dessert? Or arrange a babysitting schedule for her kids?

I have some good friends who are Marys. They are the ones I would call if I need someone to just listen and understand.

To be perfectly honest, I'm jealous of their gift of compassion. I wish that I could be a Mary. I wish I were the one the Young Women went to when they needed to talk. I wish I were the one who gets promptings to give people a call when they need a friend.

But I'm not. And I'm starting to think that maybe that's not such a bad thing. We need Martha. Without her, things wouldn't get done.

It's a hard balance: Martha wants Mary to take some initiative; Mary wants Martha to get off her case. Mary wants Martha to take the time to care for the individual; Martha wants Mary to take the time to see the big picture. You need both to function, but it can be frustrating to work with a Mary if you're a Martha or vice versa (ask Jon about my whining).

I've decided that being a Martha isn't a curse--it's a gift. Just like being a Mary is a gift. But, as a Martha, I have to work for things that come naturally to a Mary (like taking the time to just call and talk to a friend when I have so many other things to do). Perhaps those who are Marys also need to learn the things that come naturally to us Marthas (like realizing that the gym actually has to be reserved for activities--you can't just show up and assume you'll get it).

So Marthas of the world, we can stop cringing every time we hear that story. Christ's words about choosing 'the better part' aren't meant as criticism--they are a reminder to take the time to slow down and nurture our spiritual sides. Then we can get back to working willingly with our hands and keeping our candles going all night (Proverbs 31). Because--darn it!--we're good at that!